Let’s go quite loose this time…:)
Since I had been too indifferent about forgiveness for a long time, now it seems like God has been pounding on me the very nature of it. In order for me to deliver the context of this blog clearly, allow me to use, open up and share a bit of my personal experiences from where I believe I have drawn lessons about forgiveness. In my previous blog “Forgive As We Journey On” I shared that at the second quarter of this year 2012, I discovered that I did not have the full understanding of what forgiveness is and I thereby had to deliberately and completely perform it for my total freedom. However, I just never thought that immediately after that season, I would need to perform it again but with another extent of difficulty. This is my courageous attempt to talk about this topic, and I hope that it would magnify the grace and glory of God through practicing forgiveness. Here’s what happened:
The Test
It’s a girl thing actually, so I would understand if men would tune out immediately as they read this. The fact is every girl wants to be pursued, every girl desires to love and be loved. However, though those are our very nature, we still guard our hearts for it is the well spring of life. We don’t just give it away fully to a man impulsively. We pray about it, we listen and obey to what God has to say about it.
(And with the intro that I just made I don’t know how to make a transition now..lol 😀
Anyway, I just want to say that it perfectly describes what I have believed in and exactly describes what I had been through. Following what the Bible is saying, I have been guarding my heart. But some of my close Christian girl friends told me that it was too guarded that no one could even enter it anymore, I trusted them together with the Biblical truths that they shared to me, so I listened to them and tried to make the degree of my guarding a bit loose, just perfectly enough for someone to knock & enter with my permission. 🙂 Until came a courageous and Godly man who laid down his intention to pursue me. (But take note, it did not actually happen as simple as I was telling it here; there were lots of twists & turns and significant amount of time involved, hmmm around two years, just so you know..:)) And so after several days and nights of praying, after consulting what God had to say about it and after receiving advices from my mentors, I finally said YES to courtship level. Subsequently, as God had allowed us both to get in that kind of relationship, I still continued to pray about him. At first, I had lots of significant concerns about him and our relationship itself, but eventually, I had seen the man’s sincerity and love for me. To make the long story short, God took His way of assuring me with His sovereignty, He answered all my prayers and turned all my concerns into practicing obedience, faith and trust. Until it came to such point that I was just waiting for God’s perfect timing to say YES to another level of relationship.
(If I got your interest on this, I would assume you’re excited to scroll down and read the next…)
However, it surprisingly turned out differently from what I expected. Suddenly, he concluded that everything had to be put on halt and that it seemed to be heading nowhere. (Trust me readers that the man had a valid reason and I respect it, so please join me in respecting the decision made & him also, even if you don’t know him, It’s just that this is not the right page to share about it..:)). On the other hand, to support my point, I must say that what I exactly felt after what had happened was like I was thrown upon with various heavy weights of rejection, it felt like I was not worth the wait and not worth the love. This event of my life certainly left me to spend significant number of days with streams of tears ( just so you know how I was deeply hurt). This might sound petty for some as compared with their experiences, but the point is I was hurt profoundly! Yes, I was. indeed…! Okay enough with the repetitions.. 🙂 If it happened that I don’t successfully hit your heart on what I just shared, just think of your own personal pains caused by people around you or by someone you love and read the next part. I hope it would help you. 🙂
The Answer
If you want to know what was my response the following weeks to what had taken place. You may read my blog “When I don’t Understand: Sufferings In Exchange of Obedience”. Since I was deeply broken by that another sad event of my life, I badly needed healing. True enough, as I was reminded and decided to forgive right away, I discovered the healing power of forgiveness. And this time, I wanted it to be complete and genuine, unlike with my last committed mistake that I mentioned in my previous blog. During my healing season I had been pondering on my notes about forgiveness, and here are some of them that truly helped me:
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your father who is in heaven will forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive you your trespasses.-Matthew 6:14-15
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.”- Ephesians 4:31-32
“Forgiveness offers away out. It does not settle all questions of blame and fairness, often it pointedly evades those questions, but it does allow a relationship to start over, to begin anew.” – Philip Yancey
“When you forgive someone, you slice away the wrong from the person who did it you disengage that person from his hurtful act. You recreate him. At one moment you identify him ineradicably as a person who did you wrong. The next moment you change that identity. He is remade in your memory.” Lewis Smedes
Forgiveness simply means that you are not going to hold a person’s sin against him and condemn him for it anymore. I remember declaring these words every day “Because Christ has loved me and forgiven me, I will forgive him.” With this, I don’t mean that you’ll go back as usual as if nothing had happened and put the very same trust that you had towards the person. Trust is different from forgiveness, but I don’t intend to discuss that here. 🙂 Maybe on a separate topic. .. So in relation to what I was saying, let’s accept the person who hurt us based on their righteousness in Christ, leaving no room in our memories to remember the lingering pain, instead start moving on and carry on to wherever God is calling us to be and to do whatever He calls us to do. 🙂
Application
In my case, I never wanted to be stuck repeatedly in an awkward situation whenever I get to encounter the man because of the pain that the event caused me. That’s why I immediately decided to forgive him with God’s enabling grace. I do not imply that forgiveness is very easy. Let’s be honest, the damages or the pains caused by any offense don’t just go quickly. With our own strength, we cannot do it, but with God’s grace, nothing is impossible. And yes, Healing takes time but at least, if we choose to forgive genuinely, we are cleared with bitterness that tends to pull us from the wonderful plans that God has set before us. As for me, I chose to let go of all the pains, I chose to give up in trying to figure out who’s to blame and I chose to surrender to God all the unsettled issues and let Him hold my heart and be healed in the palm of His hand. Even up until now, I am very much amazed with the peace that He has given me. I even have kept my friendship with this man, and we are both good and happy now as to where God is separately placing us. I have been learning a lot of things, and I have strongly felt in my heart the increasing faith, hope, trust and love that God wants me to experience. Indeed, He is so great! 🙂
By the Script 